I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
