Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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