five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You've changed since you got that strap on
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
