she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
