Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
