my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
