I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
