Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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