she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
