Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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