my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
