Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
