I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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