is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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