Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
