mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
