You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
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