YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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