I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Randomize
