I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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