Don't you send me to vm
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
