She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
