I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
