I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
