Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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