the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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