Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
