yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
