I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just want to make out with him forever
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
