you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
