Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
