420 ftw
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
