You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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