just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
