he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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