I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
