Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
