hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
