So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
