The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
