After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
