Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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