my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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