i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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