Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
