I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
