There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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