I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I know her cup size but not her name....
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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