Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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