I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
