If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
