it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
